I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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