So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
