It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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