I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
