It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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