I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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