Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
