just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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