So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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