there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
