wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
