I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize