IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
