Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
