What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
