i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
