just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
