I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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