My liver just broke up with me...
I will die if light touches me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
