Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
