dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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