She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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