you traded sex for a burrito?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
