I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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