I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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