And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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