Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i believe in u and ur pee
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
