his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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