I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
