Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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