He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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