I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
