i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I intend to get homeless drunk
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
