I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
