Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
