After last night, I could never be a politician.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
