Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
