im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
