i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
two words: eviction party
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
