My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
