I could have mohawked her pubes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize