Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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