I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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