if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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