something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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