I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
