So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
