Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
as a side note pls kill me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
