I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
