break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
