I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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