I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize