my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
