i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
