For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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