it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
