Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
