can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
