Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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