Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
