he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
