Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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