I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
