we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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