R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
