I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Panties = found
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