Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
