fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize