i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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