sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
