Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
