I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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