just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think your dad took our porno
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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