clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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