I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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