I cockslap morals
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
