I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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