I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There r osticjed everywhere
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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