Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
