i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
