I puked a lego.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
