And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
