Acid is not a monday night drug
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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