I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
