I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
