we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
