Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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