low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
