We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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