Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize