The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
