I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I fill condoms, not promises.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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