carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
