it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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