I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
