My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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