While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
