Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
