There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
