Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
